2012 Christmas Letter

Welcome to the Ellwing Christmas letter - 2012

How quickly time flies by when you are as old as Steve and I. Time to update you on another Ellwing family boring year.

Last year, I told you Calley was DONE with cheerleading. I forgot to be specific with her. She is no longer in All-Star Cheerleading, but I didn't specify all competitive cheer. She managed to once again get injured, this time with Sorority/Fraternity cheer competition. She managed to tear her calf muscles and partially rupture her Achilles tendon and was put in a cast. And so it continues...

Calley moved into an apartment near EIU. Proud Dad went to e-bay to find her some (cheap) pots and pans. He found a REALLY good deal- something like 10 pots and pans for about $13.00. Calley and friends used them the first time, and thought it was unusual that there were grey and black specs in their food. When they went to wash the pans, they realized that they just ate the "non-stick" coating for dinner! Once again, the e-bay shopper scores! Calley and friends didn’t die.

Calley turned 21 this past summer. Steve and I were so relieved! Finally, we don't have to worry about "zero tolerance". Calley planned a big celebration where her friends would come over to our house, then they would all pile into cabs to go to a bar to celebrate at midnight. Problem: all her friends passed out at our house prior to the big celebration! Happy Birthday, sweetheart.

As mentioned in the previous letter, the "son we never had" moved out. HOWEVER, it was short lived, as Cassie took in another stray. This one has severe allergies to employment. He resides in Cassie's apartment, contributing zero to their income. I lent him my PT Cruiser (ten months ago) so he could find a job...still has the PT Cruiser…no job. He has one talent: he can eat a lot.

Cassie continues to be involved in Clockwise Theatre. She was cast in a musical called "Soul Sisters". We (luckily) saw the opening show on Friday night. Cassie was splendid in her performance. Saturday found Cassie in the Emergency Room for a blinding headache. The theater had to cancel the performance, which did not make theater management at all happy. By the way, Cassie looked like a “ho” in the ER with all her stage make up. Sunday, Cassie was hospitalized after the play, and remained in the hospital for 6 days. The management of the theater decided they needed to replace Cassie. Actually, she took it much better than I did. I was secretly hoping the new cast member would get a mean case of laryngitis after the first couple of performances. It didn't happen. Cassie’s neurosurgeon did a nerve block to her occipital (head) nerves, and the headache has not returned. So much for her first professional theater role. Maybe she should stick with Stage Manager duties.

Cassie got a new job- she is now working as a para-pro with Special Education. She is in a different building and different program than I am. Her specialty is getting bit and scratched. Despite all this, she loves working with the young special needs kids.

Once again we went to Minocqua for the Fourth of July. Amazingly, this was the very first year Steve did not take off his pants in front of everyone. We are so proud of him. Our boy still managed a pants trick though. We had the tailgate for Nebraska vs. NU. "Corn, Eat It Today, See It Tomorrow" was the theme. Steve was proudly modeling his fashion overalls - purple and white stripes head to toe. Steve went into the porta-potty after the game. He needed to take the 'ol dump, so was sitting on the throne. Unbeknownst to him, the overall straps fell into the potty. He exited the porta-potty with his suspenders COVERED in all the wonderful things you would find in a potty during a football game, Frankly, he STUNK! So, there was no other option but to take off his pants in the parking lot of Ryan Field. The good news was that Steve agreed to leave the post-game tailgate in record time.

While we were in Minocqua, we got a call from our neighbor. Ginger, our dog, was unable to stand up or move. We told our neighbor to leave her there with food and water until we got home. Upon arrival, we knew she needed to be put to sleep. I called a 1-800 number for in-home euthanasia, and a vet came to the house to inject her. As I was crying and saying goodbye, I asked Steve to write the check. Cost..$550. Steve (sputtering)..."WHAT?" Jake... sob, sob, "Just write the check". Ginger did leave us a lasting memory. The Bamboo floor where she was laying is permanently destroyed. Of course, Steve was most unhappy, especially because he “never wanted the damn dog” in the first place.

I still have the SC house that my parents left us. Thanks Mom and Dad for the albatross. This thing will NEVER sell! If anyone wants to go on vacation to McCormick, SC give me a call.

We went to a lot of weddings this year of children of our friends. They were all beautiful and special. At one particular wedding, it was late when we got back to our room, but Steve was hungry and knew of an all-night place that sold pizza by the slice. I fell asleep, and he woke me when he arrived back to the room. I'm not sure what happened after that, but in the morning the pizza was plastered between my body and the bed. What a mess! Steve suggested I scrape it off and eat it, since "it is still warm". What an intelligent man I married!  I can't help but wonder what the maid thought when she came to clean the room.

Other happenings with the Ellwings - we got an old/new/borrowed/blue item. Our neighbors have a blue bird that was going to be evicted or "set free" by the man of the house. His wife asked that we be a foster home for her, so now we have four squawking, screaming birds.

 Calley started golfing, "Fore".

Steve and I enjoyed a wonderful weekend downtown a couple of weeks ago. As I was cleaning up the house prior to leaving, I tossed a comforter over a small electric cooler that is used for the kids to store their beer. While we were away, Calley opened it and black smoke exited.  It appears that someone covered the air vents, and they melted together.  Calley accused me of trying to kill off her and her friends.

I am still saving lives at Special Ed, teaching CPR and selling air purifiers. Steve, still with the AMA until January 4th...

God's blessing to you and your loved ones.

Love, Jake and the rest of the goofs

**for all the previous Ellwing Letters, go to http://jakeschristmasletters.blogspot.com/