Christmas Letter 2011
The year had just started – New Year’s 2011. Steve was off chasing some Northwestern Bowl game. I opted to stay home this year. I celebrated the New Years by going to bed at ten o’clock. The “kids” were down the basement with their friends. About 2am, I woke up to the sound of the shower running. Strange, I thought, But went back to sleep. At 3am, the shower was still going. NOW I was worried! With the typical Ellwing luck, some kid was drowned in the shower! In a major panic, I went to investigate all the showers. Not the master, not the girls’ shower. So, now I needed to go into the basement where I am sure to find at least one dead body. Yep, the water in the downstairs bathroom was running. I knocked on the door – no answer. Knocked HARDER…no answer. With heart pounding, I entered the bathroom…”anyone in here…” Found the toilet running.
Remember last Christmas Letter when I spoke about Calley’s ACL and Meniscus repair? She did it AGAIN! Cheerleading is definitively the most dangerous sport of all. Since she already used her own body parts for the last surgery, she got to use cadaver (which means a dead person’s) “parts” for the repair. Calley just finished 9 months of post-op physical therapy. Her Cheerleading career is absolutely, positively finished!
Some people call them warning lights….some people call them idiot lights…Cassie calls them “not important lights”. Not important even if the oil light is on for four months. Cassie came home from school and told us that the engine was making some noise. The repair shop found that there was practically no oil in the car. They did an oil change (with all the trimmings). The car was returned to Cassie. Soon, the engine was making a worse noise – then died. The car was towed into the shop. Just like shaking a Christmas present, shaking the engine produced a sound suspiciously like there might be a broken part in it. OK – so now we need a new engine, for the tune of $3,000. Calley of course, took great delight in Cassie’s small error. After the new engine was installed, the car started to die in intersections. Good thing we have towing insurance, because the car again needed to be towed back to the shop. The new (pre-owned) engine was defective, so a new used engine was put into the car. Next, the car leaves the shop, then dies in the left turn lane. Car is towed to shop. Cassie gets a stern warning from her retail job at the mall that if she is late again due to car problems, she will be fired. The car needs a new alternator, that’s the problem. New alternator installed. Car leaves shop…dies in intersection…towed back to the shop. Car needs a new fuel pump, that’s the problem. New fuel pump installed. Now the car that used to get 30 miles per gallon gets 20 miles per gallon! But, there’s more! Steve dropped the towing insurance because he WAS going to sign up with AAA. He never got around to it. Great!
As most of you know from past letters, (http://jakeschristmasletters.blogspot.com) Cassie likes to bring in strays (humans). She allowed Tom Smith, a friend from college, to stay in her apartment. (NOT to be confused with Dan Smith, the son we never had). Cassie told Tom that he needed to help pay for rent. The next day, when she woke up, her debit card and car were GONE! We reported the theft to the Waukegan police, who really didn’t care about an auto theft. Tom emptied Cassie’s bank account at a gas station down-state. Through the magic of Facebook, we tracked the subject to Springfield. I told the Springfield police exactly where the car was left, but they also didn’t care and refused to send out a police cruiser to check it out. Our informants then told us the car was gone. More Facebook help was requested. The car was once again located. Lucky for us, the State Police DID care, and the car was found in Springfield (on the same street as previously reported to the police). The good news…the car ran fine… for Tom…no problems after all the repairs. It figures!
Cassie surprised all of us and graduated from Lincoln College with a BA in Theater, honors. Hip Hip Hooray! She is working at a lawyer’s office and is VERY involved with a start-up theater called Clockwise Theatre. How much does she get paid????? HA! Did you ever hear of starving artists?
Calley finally decided to leave home and go to Eastern Illinois University. Perfect – four hours away, so she can have her freedom from Mom and Dad. Only problem is, she keeps on coming home. Mysteriously, her car ends up in our driveway on weekends. “Please Calley, stay away ”, we plead, but to no avail. So, we were extremely pleased when she pledged and was accepted by Tri-Delta Sorority. NOW for SURE she will stay on campus! Nope… keeps coming home still. Calley asked us the other day, “Why don’t you ever visit me on campus?” WHAT? HOW? You are home all the time! It is amazing how quickly our house can get trashed when the kids “stop by”. Make-up in the guest bathroom, beer bottles on the table, pizza boxes on the counter, dirty laundry in the laundry room, shoes everywhere. Will we ever be “empty nesters”? I’m starting to doubt it.
We went to Minocqua again this summer for the 60th birthdays and 40th anniversary for Steve and his frat brothers. As usual, he needed to embarrass his loved ones by taking off his pants during a get-together. After he was self-over-served, he fell asleep during the big party, so his “brothers” gave him a hurricane wake-up. It involved water, a hair dryer and lots of frat brothers. We took a school bus back from the party. Steve felt the need to moon the car behind us on the way back. So much for using that bus company again. Once again I wonder what I was thinking when I married him 29 years ago!
A major life even occurred in September. Steve’s “son he never had” left the Ellwing home for Oregon. As you can imagine, this was a big shock for Steve. I got my own shock when I went down the basement to survey the damage. Beer Pong evidence, sticky tables, broken chairs, a hole in the wall, mold on walls, dead mice; they were all there. I do have to say that there is some controversy about the hole in the wall. Cassie says Calley did it, Calley says Cassie did it, and Dan says it was caused by a chair being thrown at him. Based on this information, I’m betting on Cassie.
Steve is still with the American Medical Association. He seems to be stuck there for infinity. I am still saving lives with Special Education, as well as teaching CPR and sporadically selling air purifiers. My CPR site is www. Simplecprtraining.com in case you are interested.
So ends the saga of the Ellwing Family. We wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Jake, Steve, Cassie and Calley
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