Christmas 1998

Christmas 1998

Dear Friends,

As you read this letter, we are in Hawaii…with the kids…what fools!  When we planned this trip last January, Steve suggested that we leave the little darlings home, but no, I had this picture of our little family happily skipping along the Hawaiian coastline, enjoying the peace and solitude of the Islands in December.  What we have is…”I don’t want to swim in the ocean, and I don’t like this food – can’t we find a McDonalds?”  Have you noticed that mothers make this mistake a lot?  We always have hope that tomorrow will be a June Cleaver day, but when the sun rises, we are still in our MASH world!

This year’s letter is composed with heavenly  help.  My mom died in February from cancer, and has been guiding me from above ever since.  Talk about the ultimate in Parental Control…I can’t do anything without her watching me.   I say, Sorry Mom” more now than I ever did as a child.

The girls are still living with us.  Wal-Mart is mourning the loss of Cassie’s business. At age 10, she can only have clothes from “cool” stores (Limited Too) where a tee shirt costs my entire  paycheck.  Star of stage and screen, this kid has her school once again fooled into thinking she has some affliction that requires a daily visit to the nurse’s office.  When are they ever going to learn?  Calley (age 7)wears out everything; her jeans, her toys, her teachers, her parents.  She is truly our little “bug”, buzzing from one activity to the next, stopping only long enough to irritate her big sister.  She has a wonderful (and cute) male teacher this year, and is doing surprisingly well in school.  The girls have found a hobby, English style horseback riding.  They chose this activity for one reason only – it costs more than any other hobby.  “Mom, don’t forget your checkbook.”  Steve hoped by next year’s letter we will be reporting that the girls have taken up journalism as their hobby instead.

Steve is still with the AMA.  I am still with the nursing supplemental staffing company.  We are both tired of our 3 hour per day commutes, but we have no other talents, so we had better stay put for now!  Steve and I have both lost weight this year, and our floor doesn’t creak as much now.  Steve’s still involved with his fraternity, golf and Northwestern.  I am still doing the Brownie and Junior Girl Scout troops, Sunday School and Church Choir.

Best Wishes from our happy household.  Have a wonderful new year.

Jake (Steve, Cassie and Calley too)

Christmas 1999

Christmas 1999

Well, it has been another year since I wrote you from the Ellwing household, and we continue to stumble along.  My prediction for year 2000: nothing will change.  Work will continue to be our main source of income, wash will still need to be done, yelling at the kids will still be our main source of exercise…same old stuff.”

Aren’t pets fun” was our theme song this year.  Ralph (dog) , who has been peeing and pooping on the floor since he was a puppy, made things more colorful by adding a little blood into the urine.  Diagnosis: Bladder stones.  Cost: $800.00.  “No way”, I said, “it’s doggy heaven for our little shits-a-poo.  You would have thought I was a mass murder! “NO WAY”, said my family.  “Ralph is a great dog!” I gave in, paid for his surgery, brought him home, and he promptly peed on the floor.  Steve then remarked, “we can’t have this happening, let’s put the dog to sleep.”  Now, I said “No way – I have a huge financial investment in this dog.” Therefore, now Ralph wears size 5 Pampers.  We call him diaper dog.    Cassie decided that this summer, instead of going to camp, she was going to be a mother’s helper. Day 1.. Cassie’s job was to clean out the hamster’s cages.  She’s seen me do this a million times – take one hamster, put it in Rubbermaid container, clean the cage, then put it back. Do the same for the other hamster’s cage. In order to be more efficient (or more lazy, as the case may be), Cassie rolled up a towel, put it in the Rubbermaid container as a barrier, and put one hamster on one side, the other on the other side.  The hamsters, being rodents, went to “visit” one another by cruising under Cassie’s “wall”.  When Cassie looked down, she saw her hamster finishing off a fine breakfast consisting of Calley’s hamster. Oops!  We replaced Calley’s hamster with a sweet (so far) little Love Bird named Rocket.  Rocket has so far survived the torture chamber we call Calley’s room.  Oh, by the way, our summer ended with the conclusion that Cassie is going to camp next year.

Calley is in third grade this year, and so far has not been suspended.  Actually, to our amazement, she is doing pretty well.  Steve and I enrolled in an intensive 12-week parenting class for AD/HD kids.  It has been a great class – we are meeting parents with brats worse than ours.  Cassie is in 6thgrade, which is middle school here in Mundelein.  Cassie got contract lenses and braces this year.  Goodbye, little girl – bring on the hormones, PMS and mood swings!

My major excitement occurred in June when I met the cement divider in the tollway head on.  I was going about 75 miles per hour when I was cut off, swerved onto the shoulder, went airborne – then BOOM!  Got to meet three really cute paramedics.  Steve’s first question, “How’s the (leased) car?” The end result was Steve didn’t have to pay for the extra miles on the totaled  car.  I bought a new Infinity (I gave the last one an A+ on the crash test), and my body looked like a tie-dyed beanie for a couple of weeks.

Steve was injured in November by a killer toothpick.  Somehow, he managed to step on a toothpick Calley left on the floor, get a puncture wound on the bottom of his foot, get cellulitis, which then developed into osteo.  He’s got the cane and a handicapped sticker, and I realize what it’s going to be like when he gets to be 70 or 80  years old.  NOT a pretty picture.

That’s the news from our house,  Have a wonderful season.  The Ellwings   

Christmas 2000

Christmas 2000

Greetings from the Ellwing Family

Year 2000 – The Odyssey Continues…

BOYCOTT OUTBACK STEAK HOUSE!  We were robbed! How could the Bowl Committee take Ohio State over Northwestern?  We hope no OSU fans show up.

Cassie and Calley went to one football game with us. They each took one friend. After the game, they decided to look at the vendor booths outside the stadium.  Of course, they didn’t come back.  After about an hour, our tailgating group stopped tailgating to search for the kids.  Nope. Gone. Just as I was wondering how I was going to explain the loss of their friends’ to the parents “remember your daughter…” they showed up. NU fans, you won’t be seeing the Ellwing girls at the football games for a long, long time!

Calley continues to amaze us.  How many other parents can wake their child up, only to hear those first beautiful words, “I feel like killing someone”.  Of course, being the compassionate parent that I am; I always ask, “Who would you like to kill?” Cassie is the winner! I peek in at Cassie- asleep…not dead…it is going to be a good day!

Cassie has decided that she is going to be an Opera Singer. NOW! Therefore she has no need to go to school.  She is going to sing her way though life.  I must have been out of the house  when Sony and Columbia came to sign Cassie to a million dollar contract, so for now, she’ll have to go to school just like all the other kids in America.  I’m convinced that there’s something about the artistic mind that works differently – in her world, there is more drama and turmoil than in my world.  I just want to say, “Get a grip – in real life we work hard to get nowhere”!

I’ve got a new job!  Here’s how I explained the change to Steve: “Honey, remember my bonus last year?  Well, my salary this year will be less that my bonus was last year…Steve…are you OK?…Steve…honey…” I’m taking sort of a sabbatical from the high stress corporate world and playing School Nurse for a year.  It’s great – I’m able to be around for the kids more, and the stress level is drastically down.  It’s only a one-year contract, so I’ll be looking again – after summer break, of course. Steve thinks I need a summer job, so he has contacted the local golf course.  He thinks I’d make a good beverage girl. He explained it this way, “then you could play golf all summer for free”. Yep, I’m certain it’s my free golf he’s concerned about.  I’m sure Steve  never considered that he would be able to play free also!  What a considerate guy, to offer to watch the kids while I play golf all summer!…What? He didn’t offer to watch the kids while I play? I’m sure he did…he didn’t?

Steve and I have learned something. We don’t like the job of parenting. We like our kids (usually), but I think the job stinks.  People thinking of having kids should be required to read the job description first!  Make sure you get past the Cute Infant section, and obtain legal council before proceeding to the school age child and pre-adolescent section.

Steve is still with the AMA.  Now and forever, AMEN.

Jake et al

Christmas 2001

Christmas 2001

Hi Everyone! Another year has passed and we are happy to announce the addition of…four new smoke detectors in the Ellwing household. As the girls get older, they and their friends need a “gentle” reminder that candles, cigarettes, and any other combustible items are not to be used in our home.  We point them out to everybody with pride!

Diva Cassie (13) had her first vocal competition at Northwestern Univ. Her vocal teacher gave her specific instructions on what to do and bring, repeating the information weekly for months.  Cassie was first to sing – 8:00 AM on a Saturday in Evanston. After much ordeal, we made it to the parking lot with seconds to spare.  Cassie looked at me and said, “Did you bring the music?” I replied, “No…you know your song by heart.” Cassie proceeded to tell us that she was supposed to bring the ORIGINAL music for the judge! We were astonished. As we told Cassie’s voice teacher about the missing music, she was stunned that Cassie could have possibly forgotten.  Steve took the teacher’s manuscript, and took off to find a copier.  There was one in the building, but the copy center was closed at that early hour.  He then sprinted towards the library to make a copy.  The library was closed, but a student working there suggested another building that had a copier.  The building had two copiers, both turned off. Steve ran around until he found someone to turn on one of the copiers.   He waited 10 minutes while it warmed up. Steve then realized that he only had a $20 bill, so he ran back to the library, borrowed $2.00 from the girl working there, promising he would return and re-pay the “loan”.  He put his money in, but the copier jammed.  He then had to warm up the second copier, another 10 minutes. Of course, Cassie’s time to perform had come and gone. Her teacher (who was accompanying other students) kept coming in to the performance room, and I kept shaking my head “no”, Steve’s not back!  Meanwhile, Steve again needed change to copy on the other machine.  He found a stranger outside that had $16.00 – so Steve gave him the $20 bill for the $16 in dollar bills.  He then copied the music.  Steve got back and gave me the music, but in his haste, he had copied some pages twice, and others not at all. He sprinted back out. Steve stopped in at the library again (now open) then re-copied the material. When he finally returned back, we realized that again, in his rush, he cut off the bottom of some of the pages, so the accompaniment was missing.  I transposed the accompaniment, while Cassie’s teacher tried to put all the copied pages in order.  Finally, at 11:00 AM, Cassie sang her stupid song!  Somehow she still managed to get a “1”, despite the late hour and the missing music.  Wonder what her encore performance will be at next year’s competition?  As you might imagine, by the time Cassie sang, Calley was swinging upside down off the chairs in the auditorium.

As for Calley (10), she has perfected the art of tying up and hanging dolls from nooses, performing surgeries on dolls (she’s really proficient at amputations and cutting open their chests for open heart surgery) and using household items in unique ways.  This summer I was the school nurse at one of the Special Ed schools from 8AM – 12 Noon. I am used to being surprised at what I find upon my arrival home, but one day I was especially impressed. Above our family room is a loft, where my office is located.  I arrived home, entering the house from the garage located under the loft.  The entire family room was white (when I left, it was black and green).  Not just the floor, but also all the furniture, including the black leather sofa and chairs.  Calley had apparently heard about Christmas in July, because that was what my home had become. I buy powdered laundry detergent from Sam’s club in those huge containers. Calley somehow managed to haul the full container up the stairs to the loft, then made it “snow” in my house. A winter paradise it was not – though the slippery floors, carpet, chairs and countertops would have been a perfect place to do barefoot skiing! We have not dared to try to shampoo the carpets yet, with all the soap that must still be in the fibers and padding.

The latest entertaining incident occurred a couple of weeks ago – Cassie asked me if she could invite a new friend (she’s in High School, Mom) for dinner.  I said, “Sure” and proceeded to make the kids hamburgers.  Dinner was delayed, though, when a police officer arrived at the front door.  Seems I was “harboring a run-away” at my house!… "But officer, she’s only supposed to stay for dinner…"

Steve’s still with the AMA.  I am having a wonderful time out of the corporate world.  Now that I am working for Special Education, I am home after school with the kids.  Actually, now that I think about it…the travel was nice…

I can go on for hours and hours, but by now you get the idea – nothing has changed with the Ellwings.  We continue to be the ideal American Family.

Christmas 2002

Christmas 2002

Greetings from the Ellwing Household.  So much material, so little space!   Cassie took up a new hobby and it’s consuming all her time.  Sleeping is the hobby, and boy, is she good at it!  She can (and does) sleep anywhere and everywhere. We have found only one way to keep her awake, and her teachers are currently considering using the Jake method of Cassieawakeology.  We have her stand.  Works so far.  Even the pro snoozer cannot sleep standing upright…yet.

Cassie continues to bring home strays.  Stray children, that is.  This year, a stray arrived who had been “kicked out” of her house. Cassie and the kid decided she would live at our house for a while.  Mind you, I have no idea who the kid is,  who the parents are.  “Kidnapping” charges came to mind!  Was she an arsonist, drug user, runaway (“harboring” again) or kid in trouble?  No response to telephone messages left at the kid’s house.  This year I got smart.  I called the police BEFORE they knocked on my door!

On the other hand, did you know that Calley does not sleep? Really!  She’s up and wandering most nights.  Calley was up and roaming at 3:00 Am.  She knew I wouldn’t get up (and world be angry) if she woke me. So she called my cell phone from her bedroom. I went flying down the stairs (a cell phone ringing at 3 Am usually means someone died).  I fearfully answered, “Hello?” Calley declared, “Hi Mom, I’m hungry…since you’re already downstairs, could you bring up a bagel?”

Speaking of stairs, during the Winter Olympics, Calley took down and pulled apart my curtain rod, outfitted her “My Twinn” doll with the curtain rod “skies” and Ace Bandage “ski boots”.  I walked into the house just in time to see her doll qualify for the Olympic downhill team by “skiing” down the staircase. Last month, Steve and I just lay in bed, listening to and hysterically laughing at the footsteps running up and down stairs, doors and drawers opening and closing and kitchen utensils clanging.  The laughter abruptly ceased as I suddenly realized that when we get up, I would not be laughing anymore!

Cassie and Calley both went to camp this past summer.  Calley terrorized horses and counselors, while Cassie was in a Leader-in-training program. In the fall, we wrote the camp that both of our children wanted to return next year, and Cassie was anxious to move on to the Counselor-in-Training program,  Our deposit was refunded, and we were notified that the camp is closed up and for sale. Hmmmmm…

Steve and I decided to go “retro” and attend a Jethro Tull concert this summer at Ravinia Outdoor Theatre. It hadn’t rained for a month, and on that particular afternoon, the skies opened up.  There was flooding everywhere, as the hard, dry earth couldn’t absorb the water pouring down. Steve took the train from work (yes, still with the AMA).  The train stopped at the station before Ravinia, and Steve exited. He waited and waited for the downpour to lessen, to no avail.  He had to walk the quarter mile.  Steve rolled up his pants legs, and decided that the most direct route to Ravinia would be along the train tracks.  Unfortunately, his “short-cut” brought a commuter train to a standstill, and a Railroad Marshall was dispatched to his location.  Luckily, Steve majored in speech in college.  He used his persuasive speech skills to remain out of jail.  The comment from the Railroad Marshall? “What were you THINKING???”

Like I said, nothing new!  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention – three birds, one dog, two gerbils and a fish tank weren’t enough, so Cassie got a kitten.  New kitten desperately wants to eat aforementioned birds, fish and gerbils.  I’ve decided to toilet train the cat.   Updates next year…