Christmas 1999

Christmas 1999

Well, it has been another year since I wrote you from the Ellwing household, and we continue to stumble along.  My prediction for year 2000: nothing will change.  Work will continue to be our main source of income, wash will still need to be done, yelling at the kids will still be our main source of exercise…same old stuff.”

Aren’t pets fun” was our theme song this year.  Ralph (dog) , who has been peeing and pooping on the floor since he was a puppy, made things more colorful by adding a little blood into the urine.  Diagnosis: Bladder stones.  Cost: $800.00.  “No way”, I said, “it’s doggy heaven for our little shits-a-poo.  You would have thought I was a mass murder! “NO WAY”, said my family.  “Ralph is a great dog!” I gave in, paid for his surgery, brought him home, and he promptly peed on the floor.  Steve then remarked, “we can’t have this happening, let’s put the dog to sleep.”  Now, I said “No way – I have a huge financial investment in this dog.” Therefore, now Ralph wears size 5 Pampers.  We call him diaper dog.    Cassie decided that this summer, instead of going to camp, she was going to be a mother’s helper. Day 1.. Cassie’s job was to clean out the hamster’s cages.  She’s seen me do this a million times – take one hamster, put it in Rubbermaid container, clean the cage, then put it back. Do the same for the other hamster’s cage. In order to be more efficient (or more lazy, as the case may be), Cassie rolled up a towel, put it in the Rubbermaid container as a barrier, and put one hamster on one side, the other on the other side.  The hamsters, being rodents, went to “visit” one another by cruising under Cassie’s “wall”.  When Cassie looked down, she saw her hamster finishing off a fine breakfast consisting of Calley’s hamster. Oops!  We replaced Calley’s hamster with a sweet (so far) little Love Bird named Rocket.  Rocket has so far survived the torture chamber we call Calley’s room.  Oh, by the way, our summer ended with the conclusion that Cassie is going to camp next year.

Calley is in third grade this year, and so far has not been suspended.  Actually, to our amazement, she is doing pretty well.  Steve and I enrolled in an intensive 12-week parenting class for AD/HD kids.  It has been a great class – we are meeting parents with brats worse than ours.  Cassie is in 6thgrade, which is middle school here in Mundelein.  Cassie got contract lenses and braces this year.  Goodbye, little girl – bring on the hormones, PMS and mood swings!

My major excitement occurred in June when I met the cement divider in the tollway head on.  I was going about 75 miles per hour when I was cut off, swerved onto the shoulder, went airborne – then BOOM!  Got to meet three really cute paramedics.  Steve’s first question, “How’s the (leased) car?” The end result was Steve didn’t have to pay for the extra miles on the totaled  car.  I bought a new Infinity (I gave the last one an A+ on the crash test), and my body looked like a tie-dyed beanie for a couple of weeks.

Steve was injured in November by a killer toothpick.  Somehow, he managed to step on a toothpick Calley left on the floor, get a puncture wound on the bottom of his foot, get cellulitis, which then developed into osteo.  He’s got the cane and a handicapped sticker, and I realize what it’s going to be like when he gets to be 70 or 80  years old.  NOT a pretty picture.

That’s the news from our house,  Have a wonderful season.  The Ellwings